Don't Chew Jesus!

Forget About Sister's Clicker!

2008-09-03T14:53:00.000-07:00

Remember when Sister clicked her invisible clicker or when she'd yell, "You, Missy"? We stopped dead in our tracks, not daring to budge.

Can you imagine if Sister had a Crucifistle? Heaven help us all.

A Real Sister Beauty Pageant

2008-08-31T12:04:00.000-07:00

I'm sure all of you heard about the Italian priest set to sponsor a beauty pageant for nuns. He wanted to showcase their inner beauty and to dispel myths and stereotypes of old, haggard nuns.

Well, it's not gonna happen.

Lots of people got upset, and I must tell you, I wasn't too keen on his limiting the contest to sisters between the age of 18 and 40. Um, most sisters today are in their 70s and older, for starters, and if it's inner beauty he's searching for age shouldn't matter.

'Nuff on that. However, my friend Sr. Mary Margaret has started her own contest! Check it out and submit a photo of your favorite sister, living or deceased: Beautiful Nun Contest.

Here's my entry:

Meet Sr. Maria Goretti, my first grade teacher. Sadly, she passed away at a very young age, when her car collided with a train. As Billy Joel crooned, "only the good die young."

Three reasons why Sr. Goretti earns my vote as most Beautiful Nun:

1. Take a look at her and figure it out for yourself.
2. She taught 51 six-year-olds by herself, in pre-airconditioned South Florida while draped head-to-toe in a wool habit.
3. She indulged my fantasy as a lounge singer, only smiling as I belted out hits of the day like "Hi De Ho" and the "Take it off, take it off, take it all off" Noxema jingle.

Sequel Underway - Submit Your Stories!

2008-08-29T07:33:00.000-07:00

Don’t Chew Jesus! – The Sequel

We know that all the stories in Don’t Chew Jesus! are just the tip of the iceberg so we’re collecting more memories for a sequel! This time, we’re adding a twist: photos! So, pull out those scrapbooks, dust off the cobwebs in your brains and share your stories of life with the nuns!

For sample stories, check out our website www.nunstories.com, or flip through your copy of Don’t Chew Jesus! A Collection of Memorable Nun Stories.

As with our first book, a portion of sales proceeds will be donated to S.O.A.R. (Support Our Aging Religious.

Send us your memories!

Danielle Schaaf & Michael Prendergast

What We’re Looking For

Stories, memories, anecdotes

• Religious education, sacrament preparation, prayers
• School life, classroom antics, studies, field trips
• Saints Feasts, Holy Days
• Habits, appearance, image, impressions
• Pomp, pageantry, procession, and programs
• Discipline, motivation
• Temptations and sins (avoiding them, of course!)
• Fun with nuns, recreation, games, pranks, relaxation
• Influence, lasting impressions

Nostalgic… poignant… devout… silly… hilarious… sentimental… lighthearted… nearly anything EXCEPT crude and mean-spirited anecdotes.

Visuals
• Nuns, Nuns, Nuns. Photos of sisters in habits or not; teaching class, or not; relaxing and having fun or not; hanging out with other nuns, in the convent or other locales, with children or not! Photos will be of actual sisters and not snapshots of someone’s drunk uncle dressed up in Halloween costume.

• Photos of contributors. In class, in uniform, in church, in procession or not – as long as the photo evokes a memory or story about nuns.

• The Written Word. No, not the Bible or Baltimore Catechism but any handwritten notes, comments on a worksheet, letters from or to a sister.

• Holy Tschotchkes, Blessed Bling, Paraphernalia and Mementos. Year-book scans, post-cards, holy cards, photos of trinkets such as statues of the Blessed Mother and medals.

How To Share Your Stories
Have your own memory about a special sister? Send it along for our next book of nun stories! Here’s how:

Requirements: written submissions should be between 75 and 150 words but longer contributions up to 300 words will be considered. If you’re not a writer, just call and tell us your story! Acceptance of the story doesn’t guarantee publication. Submit scans of your photos and other images (300 dpi or higher) or mail us a copy of the photo.

Email: author@nunstories.com
Mail: P.O. Box 6555, Kingwood, TX 77325
Call or fax toll-free: 1.877.NUNBOOK

Hurry! Deadline is December 31, 2008

Sisterly Driven Intervention for the Spurs?

2007-06-09T13:46:00.001-07:00

What's the big deal about the San Antonio Spurs basketball team getting a little Sisterly support during the NBA Playoffs?

We've got plenty examples of Sister Sports Fans in the book! There are memories of sisters playing basketball, not just cheering the game. And playing softball, running and bob-sledding, too!

Based on all the stories collected, though, the sport of choice among sisters must be baseball.

Forever and Ever, Amen

2007-05-13T06:42:00.000-07:00

I just discovered a book readers of Don't Chew Jesus! will love:Forever and Ever, Amen, by Sister Karol Jackowski.

From Booklist:

Although the story is a familiar one--a young girl follows her vocation into the convent in the early 1960s--this time around the outcome is a bit different. What separates Sister Karol Jackowski's delightful recollections from the pack (Mary^B Gilligan Wong's Nun, 1983,and Deborah Larsen's more recent The Tulip and the Pope, 2005) is the fact that she is still a nun. With considerable candor and a refreshing lack of bitterness, she recalls her transition from carefree girlhood to serious sisterhood during a period of formative, but often confusing, change in the Catholic Church. As Jackowski recounts the seven years that culminated in her final vows as a Sister of the Holy Cross, the reader is treated to a fascinating insider's view of pre-Vatican 2 convent life. Hilarious, tender, and, above all, unflinchingly honest, this entertaining memoir is a must-read for Catholics of a certain age. Margaret Flanagan
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

More information about the book.

Don't Chew Jesus! Now Available

2006-11-29T04:50:00.000-08:00

We wanted to share with you an update about the book Don’t Chew Jesus! A Collection of Memorable Nun Stories – it’s finally published! Nearly 5 years later, the nostalgic and lighthearted book is now available.

The book includes nearly 400 firsthand anecdotes and recollections, with stories coming from all over the country and internationally, too. It’s been an incredible, challenging journey but also loads of fun!

Along the way, we discovered so many of the good sisters still living are not in the best financial condition. To that end, we’re donating a portion of our sales to S.O.A.R. (Support Our Aging Religious), a national non-profit organization that assists retired religious.

You can pick up Don’t Chew Jesus! at area bookstores, through online retailers, or through the publisher, BenBella Books: www.benbellabooks.com. The cost is $20 retail but the publisher is offering group discounts between 10% and 50% on orders of 10 or more copies. The initial distribution is small; if you don’t see the book at your bookstore, they’ll order it at no charge.

Check out our updated website for more information and excerpts! www.nunstories.com

Thanks again for your interest!

Book Cover

2006-05-09T14:56:00.000-07:00

Preview & Pre-order

What I Really Like About Nuns

2006-01-07T15:03:00.000-08:00

Sisters just don't know when to give it up, God bless 'em. I read an obituary today for a Sister Maximus who was born in 1915. A quick glance revealed she taught and then went into administration and other areas, only to be called back into the classroom in 1977 where she remained until her retirement in 1996.

Do the math. Sr. Max re-entered the classroom when she was 66 years old, an age most of us are calling it quits. She taught until she was 81 years old!

And we thought our sisters were elderly! They had nothing on Sr. Maximus. Rest in peace, Sister.

Revisions, Revisions, Revisions

2005-11-02T08:15:00.000-08:00

We're in the middle of taking care of some revisions our editor requested. We should be done in another week. I think the gameplan is to have the manuscript completed by the end of the year, on pace for a November 2006 release.

It's getting closer!

2005-08-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

Mike's author cover shot

2005-08-16T06:51:00.000-07:00

Author photo for cover of the book.

Sister Mother Earth

2005-07-17T11:26:00.000-07:00

Guess who this is? An aging gypsey? Mother Earth? The Tooth Fairy? Nope. She's a nun. Yep, a Catholic nun, a principal at a Catholic High School celebrating (?) the closing of her school. I can understand how the sisters who taught me might have tripped the light fantastic when I left but they wouldn't have done it this way. They'd have hiked those floor-length dresses up over their ankles and hopped around in a wild Irish jig.

Fun Online Game

2005-06-16T13:31:00.000-07:00

Find out how much you remember from Sr. Mary Evangelist's religion class! Try out "Growing Up Catholic" trivia on funtrivia.com:

http://www.funtrivia.com/submitquiz.cfm?quiz=203243

A word of warning, though. You may have to brush up on your Latin.

Do Patent Leather Shoes Really Reflect Up?

2005-05-03T11:33:00.000-07:00

Of course, Sister said so.

Actually, Do Patent Leather Shoes Really Reflect Up? is the name of a novel and stage production created by John Powers back in the late '70s and early '80s. It's a nostalgic, fun look at growing up Catholic in the "olden days." Watching a local production several years ago gave me the idea for Don't Chew Jesus!

If you missed the book the first time around, now's your chance to pick it up. Loyola Press has re-issued the book as part of its Loyola Classics series. You can order directly from their website:

http://www.loyolabooks.org/store

Or you can probably order it from Amazon.com or your local bookseller. I'm guessing in certain parts of the country, like Chicago, you'll probably find it at area bookstores.

I believe Loyola plans to also re-issue another of John Powers' books, The Last American Catholic. I read that nearly 20 years ago and thought I was reading about my childhood. I'll blog another post when that one comes out, either later this year or next.

Book Update

2005-04-11T12:35:00.000-07:00

Don't Chew Jesus! A Collection of Memorable Nun Stories is now at the publishing house, BenBella Books. We thought the book would be coming out this year but it now looks like June 2006. We'll keep you posted.

We've collected about 300 anecdotes, ranging from hilarious to poignant. We've worked hard to capture the memories in a respectful, lighthearted manner. However, being the cheeky people that we are, you'll find lots of tongue-in-cheek throughout the pages. Here's the table of contents:

Chapter 1. Oh Sister, Where Art Thou?
Chapter 2. Don’t Chew Jesus!
Chapter 3. Off to School With Publics You’ll Go!

Chapter 4. Private Parts and Impure Thoughts: Avoiding Occasions of Sin
Chapter 5. Shrouds of Mystery

Chapter 6. Knuckle Cracks and Group Slaps: Sisterly Tough Love <>
Chapter 7. Eyes in the Back of Their Habits
Chapter 8. A Sister By Any Other Name
Chapter 9. A Legacy: Cheeky Girls and Worthless Boys Grow Up
Chapter 10. Sister, Speak Up!

Sorry for the weird spacing - I'm trying to get the hang of this blogging. Watch for more updates!

Danielle Schaaf